I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
