I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
