Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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