There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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