Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
