I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
