time to smoke my breakfast
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
