bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
