cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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