I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
