My liver just broke up with me...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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