if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You made out with two different species that night
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
