I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
