sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
