So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
