started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
