halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
