Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
