sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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