I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
