I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
