btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
there was a trapeze. enough said
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
