plz talk dirty to me
I feel like abortions should bother me more
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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