Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
