What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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