My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
