Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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