I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
