so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
