K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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