Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
