bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
