I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My penis needs a shock collar
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
