I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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