My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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