I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
