I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I need moral support for this bender
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
