My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.