I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.