Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious

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  (203): She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious http://tfl.nu/rvtf
  Replies (35) Good night (4840) Bad night (2593)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...

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  (217): I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony... http://tfl.nu/w96r
  Replies (14) Good night (3425) Bad night (1680)
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  (858): View more from California

  He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities

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  (858): He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities http://tfl.nu/i2zo
  Replies (3) Good night (2881) Bad night (755)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet

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  (507): Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet http://tfl.nu/981y
  Replies (7) Good night (1199) Bad night (1298)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.

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  (704): My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search. http://tfl.nu/gxvg
  Replies (2) Good night (674) Bad night (2083)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart

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  (605): its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart http://tfl.nu/w4xp
  Replies (7) Good night (2029) Bad night (766)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'

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  (305): New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made' http://tfl.nu/jx5j
  Replies (1) Good night (1013) Bad night (679)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.

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  (201): Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper. http://tfl.nu/iewi
  Replies (6) Good night (1864) Bad night (563)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.

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  (251): How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern. http://tfl.nu/mfwl
  Replies (17) Good night (2301) Bad night (868)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!

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  (901): You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?! http://tfl.nu/9kiq
  Replies (5) Good night (1198) Bad night (416)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left

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  (775): FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left http://tfl.nu/965v
  Replies (7) Good night (397) Bad night (1108)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good

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  (757): You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good http://tfl.nu/ql8q
  Replies (8) Good night (750) Bad night (362)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?

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  (262): Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore? http://tfl.nu/hk51
  Replies (2) Good night (480) Bad night (386)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man

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  (262): I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space (262): Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man http://tfl.nu/r48t
  Replies (1) Good night (644) Bad night (268)
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  (315): View more from New York

  i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely

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  (315): i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely http://tfl.nu/vc4m
  Replies (3) Good night (678) Bad night (538)

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