Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.