I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
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he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
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Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.