Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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