So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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