did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
