so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize