she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
