Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Randomize
