I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
