Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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