Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
