I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
