Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
