Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
