Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
