I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
