Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
