I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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