I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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