I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize