So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
