I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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