Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
