Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
this hospital has no fireball
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
