sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
