my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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