I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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