I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
