he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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