i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
