they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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