i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
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Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
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My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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