Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
