so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
